Sunday, 14 October 2007

The funniest things ever...ever

I am about to copy two of the funniest things I have ever read into this blog for you. The first one, How to keep a healthy level of insanity, I have had saved on my computer for ages and I used to have it stuck on my bedroom door. when I first read it I cried I thought it was soooo funny...maybe I am just really immature hahahahaha!!!

The second one my friend Steven just sent me and i almost cried reading it just then...so, so funny!!! So here you go my friends!!! And if any of you have any more of these things please please please send them to me!! Via my myspace mail or send me the link in my comments. I live for this shit!

How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “in”.

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. In the memo field of all your checks write “for sexual favours”.

7. Finish all your sentences with “ in accordance with the prophecy”.

8. Dont use any punctuation marks

9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

11. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go”.

12. Sing along at the opera.

13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

16.Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard “insert your name here”.

17.When the money comes out the ATM, scream “I won”, “I won” “3rd time this week!!!!!”

18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “run for your lives, they’re loose!!”

19. Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”


50 Things to do During Finals

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say ....oh geez, better get cracking'' and do some gibberish work.

2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming ....Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!''

3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the surface integral symbol.

4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, ....I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking.'' Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

6. Bring cheerleaders.

7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, ....I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?''

8. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

10. Bring pets.

11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say ....They've found me, I have to leave the country'' and run off.

12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out ....Merry Christmas.'' If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat the process every fifteen minutes.

13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up. For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.

17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest you.

18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB, BABE, etc.)

23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out ....Fuck this!'' and walk out triumphantly.

25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (e.g. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to get drunk.)

26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy.)

27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him in a very derogatory tone, ....The light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!''

28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling ....I'm here, the phantom of the opera'' until they drag you away.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for you right to take the exam.

31. Bring a water pistol with you. 'Nuff said.

32. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.

33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious. . . like history notes for a calculus exam. . . otherwise your're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment ....Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit.''

39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.

40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him.

41. One word: Wrestlemania.

42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

43. Do the exam on your laptop. Make sure the simulated keyboard noises are on.

44. Play frisbee with a friend on the other side of the room.

45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Start with your calculator, move on to your desk, your chair, anything you can reach.

48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say ....it helps me think.'' Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase ....Told you so.''

50. Answer the exam with the ....Top Ten Reasons Why Professor Sussman Sucks.''

Hope you guys had a laugh!!!

Love lots Caz xoxo xxxx

Saturday, 13 October 2007

I hate facebook-though I admit myspace is also lame

This post is inspired by my lovely older sister Lee, who has decided to delete her myspace and move to the devil of all networking sites-Facebook.

I hate Facebook. I have a stupid Facebook account (yeah i'
m a social networking whore) and i dont get the appeal and I definately dont understand why people like it better than myspace. All for one main reason. Facebook applications. They are so fucking annoying. Right now i have 9 application requests on my facebook account
  • 1x boozemail request
  • 1x jedi vs sith invitation (???WTF??? get a life)
  • 1x the simpsons photos request
  • 1x likeness quiz request
  • 1x rate me request
  • 1x horoscope invitation
  • 1x hug friend request
  • 1x honesty box invitation
  • 1x superpoke! friend request
HOW ANNOYING CAN YOU BE!!!

As if I want any of that dumb shit. And then if you say yes it tries to trick you into sending an invitation to all your friends. And all the stupid applications do is clutter up your page so i dont even know what is going on and everyones pages look the same because they are all full of boozemail, pokey, superwall bullshit and its so dumb.

Then people try and tell me "err Carrie at least you dont get friend request from people you dont know LOL" LIES!!!! I have had heaps of friend requests from freaks dont know. Some guy had the same last name as me so i guess he thought i would totally want to be his mate. NO WAY BUDDY!!

And what is worse is that you are meant to give facebook you full real name and then you cant change it. Well you can but facebook needs to approve it so you cant make up anything cool you have to make up a name that actually sounds like a name. Oh thats a cool idea, thats really safe, publish people last names and photos on the internet. Awesome.

Grr and everyone who loves facebook pretty much hates myspace they are all like "err Carrie myspace is for 15 year old sluts and its so annoying all the friend requests" well i would rather deal with annoying friend requests and messages from wierdos with bad english wanting to have sex with me than deal with all the stupid notifications and application requests and shit on facebook.

And at least on myspace you can put some personality into your page. Like you can code it so it looks hot. You cant do that on boring lamo facebook. Nope everyones page is basically the same. BORING BORING BORING!!!

Look I even drew this picture to describe how i feel about facebook...

Isnt it pretty?? Yep it sure is. so I shall ready myself for the onslaught of uptight facebook lovers who will no doubt bombard me with their other thousands of reasons why facebook is cooler than myspace which i will happily shoot down with awesome comeback aww yeah!!

Love ya'll lots...yeah yeah even you facebook losers ;)

Love Caz xoxo xxxx

Bahahahahahaha!!


Maybe its just because I'm immature but I hell want this t-shirt.
Did it make anyone else literally L.O.L.??
I almost bought it but its only in guy sizes so it would look hideous.
I think I shall make a shirt that says it.
Hopefully none of my friends get too offended... not that I would care because hey, like the shirt says drugs ARE for sluts and losers!

Hahahaha!!

Love you all even the ones I just called losers, Caz xoxo xxxx


Monday, 8 October 2007

Grrrrr I'm so annoyed!!

I've been looking forward to going to Taste of Chaos for ages, asked for the time off ages ago, haven't bought my ticket yet because I was waiting for Lee to get back from Europe coz she said she'd come with me. But things were pretty much sorted out.

Now Escape the Fate aren't playing because they aren't allowed in the country but I still want to see The Used, but Lee doesn't want to come any more and none of my other friends are into that kind of music and work didn't give me the night off like I asked them too because we have some gay beer night that for some reason we need 7 staff for and the only way I can get it off is to get Jess to do it but if Jess does it then I have to do a stupid day shift in return and i pretty much cant because I'm at tafe during the day and the days i'm not at tafe I am already working at night.

So I'm not going to Taste of Chaos. And I am really really really really pissed off about it because it is like the one thing that I really wanted to do and I cant do it. And this shit always fucking happens and I'm totally sick of it.

While i'm thanking people....

Thank You Borat!!!

For bringing back the High Five!!! The high five is the shiz. It is way cooler than bringing sexy back...sorry JT...you lose!

HIGH FIVE!!!!

Love Caz xoxo xxxx

Bahahahaha thanks Saturday Night Live!!

I'm sitting at home watching Saturday Night Live after an awesome day at the wine fest and then hanging out with the crew at SonSon's house. This hilarious skit came on and i couldn't find a video for it anywhere on the internet but I did find the transcript for it. So you kinda get what is going on it is an advertisement for McDonalds Bid n' Tasty Burger. The burger is shown on the screen and each statement the voiceover says comes up on the screen as its read out. All of you guys who know me well will know about my hatred of dumb people who blame others for their fatness.

Here you go...


McDonald's Big N' Tasty

Announcer.....Chris Parnell
Voiceover.....Jim Downey



Announcer: McDonald's new Big N' Tasty! It's what you crave! The Big N' Tasty is a juicy quarter-pound all-beef patty, served with crisp lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun!

Jive Voice: Can you taste it?

Announcer: Mmm-hmm! Big and tasty!

Voiceover: In response to pending legal action, the McDonald's Corporation would like to present the following statement:

[ statements over SUPER ]

"The Big N' Tasty Sandwich is food."

"Scientific studies suggest that excessive consumption of food may cause weight gain. In other words, if you stuff your greasy pie hole non-stop, you’re probably going to pork up."

"The McDonald's Corporation had previously believed that this was obvious to all but very small children and morons. Since children and morons are valued customers of McDonald's Corporation, we would like to point out other potential risks that could be associated with the Big N' Tasty."

"The Big N' Tasty is intended to be eaten. Complications may arise from shoving the Big N' Tasty up your nose. Dropping the Big N' Tasty from extremely tall buildings may cause the Big N' Tasty to achieve sufficient terminal velocity, to injure innocent people below."

"The Big N' Tasty should not be used as an artificial heart."

"The McDonald's Corporation seriously doubts anyone would try this, but, hey, if you didn't know gorging yourself on hamburgers might turn you fatass, then anything's possible."

"According to United States Law, the Big N' Tasty cannot perform the duties of a Legal Guardian. If you were to go into McDonald's and say, "Hey, Big N' Tasty, take care of my kids while I run some errands," you may face legal action."

"Theoretically, the Big N' Tasty could be mistaken for a weapon during a police stand-off."

"Marriage ceremonies officiated by the Big N' Tasty are not recognized in any of the contiguous 48 states."

"The Big N’ Tasty is not God."

"For questions about any additional use of the Big N' Tasty - other than eating, please consult our web site."

Announcer: Come on! It's big, it's tast,y and it's waiting for you at McDonald's!

Voiceover: For the small children or morons, McDonald's is the red and yellow restaurant on the highway. Remember to bring money.

Jive Voice: Big N' Tasty!

Bahahaha funny hey?? Here is the link for the page i got that from. I'll write again tomorrow, I have many more funny things to write about!!

Love Caz xoxo xxxx

Friday, 5 October 2007

Whats new?

I havent written in agggges I apologise! Been busy/not in the mood to write so yeah...that my lame excuse and i'm sticking with it.

Like I said i've been really busy and quite stressed out about things. I hate being stressed, and i've been really tired all the time too even though I've been sleeping in till like midday. Steven tells me I am oversleeping and thus making by body overtired. Which doesnt make a whole lot of sense to me but he said I need to try sleeping for only 8 hours a night and that will fix it. So i'm trying that, i did 9 hours last night and i'm feeling better. Got lots of shit done this morning. Cleaned out my closet so i can actually find shit. So now I have done that i now just have to clean up the rest of my room. Which will be more of a challenge... just because I dont know what to do with all of the crap that I dont want anymore.

So anyway, i'm on holidays from tafe which is great because I am TOTALLY over it. Tafe is annoying, its boring, I hate doing homework and assignments and shit, i'd rather just have a big exam at the end than have stupid assignments.

Work is going ok but i'm way over that aswell. Cant say much on here thought incase the wrong people read it. But i'm not 100% sure if i'll still be there next year. I dont know what i'm doing at all next year. I dont want to go to another restaurant because lets face it...there are no other good restaurants in Bunbury and besides I am really sick of working at night. I just want a nice day job that isnt boring and that isnt stressful and is fun. Is that so much to ask?

Ok well this is one of most boring posts I have ever written so i'm going to stop it now. I will write again soon when I have some of my spunk back!

Love y'all Caz xoxo xxxx

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