Thursday, 23 October 2008
Wednesday, 22 October 2008
Tuesday, 21 October 2008
Wednesday, 15 October 2008
This means that when I am out and about and see something funny or think of something I can immediately tell you about it without having to wait to get home to my computer! Woo Hoo!! So be prepared for lots more action on this blog from now on and lots more photos!
This, by the way, is where the last post about wine came from. Oh and I should add, i did crack open a lovely bottle of Spy Valley Sauvignon Blanc and I am greatly enjoying it, so is Mum, whos response when i asked if she wanted a glass was "What? Wine? Now? Why?" to which I said "...why not?" and she said "good point"
GOOD POINT INDEED!
Love Caz xoxo xxxx
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
I have been meaning to do this for a while...actually I wrote this post like a million years ago and forgot about it but then I went out on the weekend and remembered it so now I am incredibly bored, so I bring to you, my lovely readers, the Clubbers Guide to Bunbury Part One!
1. 3 Monkeys Bar
3 Monkeys or as I like to call it Free STD's (it rhymes (kind of) tee hee!) is the biggest meat market in Bunbury. It is full of skantily clad "I just turned
12, 16 ...18" year old girls and revolting desperate boys all hoping to cop a feel. When venturing into 3 monkeys it is essential you take proper precautions to stop yourself from accidentally catching one of the 768979845 airborne STD's flying through the air. The best way to do this is to cover up all entry holes to your body. Cover your ears, close your mouth, block your nose and keeps your eyes shut tight (airborne STD's can get it though your eyeballs) The following picture shows you the correct way to cover up (it's ok my hair is covering the other ear)
It is probably important to mention that once inside Monkeys you will find yourself constantly travelling backwards and forwards through time. It seems that the building was built on some sort of ancient time machine. Strange huh?! Now because of this time anomaly you will rarely hear a song played in Monkeys that was released this year....or in the last few years for that matter. It seems the time machine mainly transfers you between the mid to late 90's with a bit of a visit to the 80's. So if you love to "boom shake shake shake the room" are in need of a bit of "California love" and you've "got the chill's" and "they're multiplyin" you are in the right place.
As well as transporting you to different times, 3 Monkeys will also transfer you to different places. Over the weekend I got transported to a gay club in the early 90's, it was playing that "Blow my whistle BITCH" song... all I needed was 40 thousand glow sticks, a whistle, test tube shooters and a day glo T shirt and hot pants and I would have right at home! Often you will get transferred to a place I like to call "Bogan Australia" Regulars to Monkeys will know how to act when this happens. But for all you visitors let me help you out. When the following songs are played you have been transported to "Bogan Australia"
- "Place your hands" by Reef
- "Run to paradise" by Choirboys
- "Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex
- "Khe Sanh" by Cold Chisel
- "I would walk 500 miles" by The Proclaimers
There are a few more...believe me you will know them when you hear them. Now when these songs start you need to scream or yell your appreciation and head to the dancefloor. DO NOT DANCE. Just yell the words to the song loudly and drunkenly whilst spilling your drink on as many of the people around you as you can. If you are a boy now is a good time to hit on chicks by putting your arms around girls you don't know and singing along whilst still spilling booze everywhere (specifically down the chest of the chicks you are trying to impress). In the case of Cotton Eye Joe you must try to get on the stage and once there stamp your feet along in time to the music. Don't forget to spill your drink. Pretend you are at a hoedown just go nuts.
In regards to dancing it is important to know where you stand. There are five types of dancers at Monkeys.
- I am a (usually way too fat for my outfit) dirty slut pretending to be a lesbian so boys will think I am hot and you are my pole
- I am far to fake and pretty to actually dance so I will just stand here in the middle of the DF and kind of sway whilst looking at everyone with contempt and taking up room so people with ACTUAL dancing skillz have no room
- I AM SOOO DRUNK, I'M GOING TO DANCE LIKE A FUCKTARD ON STAGE AND TRY TO PICK UP CHICKS
- I am not going to be as obvious as number 3, I will just dance and when a girl comes near me I will try dance with her by just grabbing on to her hips and gyrating up against her, this is a surefire way to score.
- I am trying to dance but there are too many sluts/fakes/drunks/sleazes everywhere!!
It is up to you which one you want to be...
Dress code is VERY important at Monkeys. If you are a girl it is imperative you wear as little as possible even when it is freezing cold...in fact when it is cold you should wear less because that is just hot as! Always remember to wear stilettos. Even when they don't match the rest of your outfit, even better if you can't walk in them properly, stilettos are really good at Monkeys because they always fall down the cracks in the floorboards outside and stumbling is a very good look (especially when the Monkey shaker you are holding falls to the ground and smashes). If it is a theme night (or a super classy flirt party) YOU MUST DRESS TO THEME and when I say dress I of course mean place a appropriately coloured fabric so it just covers your vag/penis and breasts. At 3 Monkeys LESS IS MORE! Boys, you don't really have to worry about what you wear...as long as it's enough to get you through the front door, because well the girls who you have a chance with will be too trashed to give a shit what you are wearing and the girls who do notice how you dressed in the dark, you don't have a chance with anyway.
Speaking of Monkey Shakers. These are an integral part of the Monkeys experience. I am not quite sure exactly what is in them, I believe it is Midori, pineapple juice, lemonade, roofies and horse tranquilliser. They are sold by skanky bargirls who come around every 5 seconds or so asking "do you want a monkey shaker?" You are meant to drink these using the little shot cups they give you, you pour a shot for you and your friends then drink it yay! However that is obviously the pussy way of drinking them. The kool kids just drink it straight out of the shaker, then spew it up in the toilets/garden/right where they are standing/footpath/doorway later on in the night. Shakers=awesome.
So I think I have covered all my bases here. I hope you are now more equipped to venture into the wonder that is 3 Monkeys bar. Now for a quick recap, cover all your entry points to discourage airborne STDs, be prepared for time warps, know the right way to act in Bogan Australia, choose your dancing style and stick with it, dress appropriately (by appropriately I of course mean "lightly") and drink at least 10 monkey shakers. There you go, stay tuned for Part 2 of the Clubbers Guide to Bunbury where I will cover Fitzgeralds Irish Bar, which recently featured on the top 20 list of most violent bars in W.A. what a selling point!
Lots of love CazMinx xoxo xxxx