Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Having a boyfriend/girlfriend is not the most important thing on Earth.

I have a lot of lovely friends. I have a lot of lovely single friends and recently I have found a trend amongst a lot of my single friends that they are really fucking bitter and upset and angry about not having a significant other. It isn't just female friends. In fact most of the comments are coming from male friends!

I get it. Being single sometimes sucks. Sometimes you just want someone there. I understand that.

Please though let me give you some advice.

Before I start, I know that a lot of you will be thinking "err Carrie shutup you've been with Steve for 3 years AS IF you know what it's like LOL". Yeah I have been with Steve for 3 years...but I had to kiss a shitload of frogs before I found my prince and I was happily single and celibate for the year leading up to meeting Steve and then we didn't start dating for another six months after that.

So I know what it is like to be single and to be on the dating scene. I dated a lot. I dated a whole lot of losers and jerks, I also dated a few nice guys who things just didn't work out with. I was also a shit ex girlfriend. After every break up I thought the world was going to end and that I was dying and I would call and text and write letters. I was pathetic.

The problem of course is that you only realise what an overly dramatic idiot you were a few months after the fact. By then it's too late and you can either learn from that shit or you can stick in that same routine. I stayed in that routine for a good few years. Till after one particularly devastating break up I came to a realisation. I don't need a boyfriend. I definitely don't need a boyfriend who isn't willing to put up with my many 'faults'. I don't know who I am without a boyfriend.

The last point was probably the most important. I had been dating so much and had been so obsessed with wanting to be with someone and then changing who I was to suit that person that I had forgotten who I was and what I really wanted in life. It was like my fire had burnt out and I hated that. The day I realised that was the day I decided to stop looking for someone else and start looking after me.

Best decision I have ever made.

Admittedly over the next year or so I did go on a date or two, maybe pashed a boy on a sweaty nightclub dance floor but it was very rare and I was never looking for anything other than a pash and dash. I didn't have sex for at least one year, probably longer.When I met Steve over Myspace I wasn't interested in a relationship and I still wasn't looking for one. He was cute, we emailed a bit and talked about things. Got to know each other. Slowly decided we like each other. It was six months before he moved back to Bunbury and we started dating seriously. To be honest when I realised that I liked him I was a bit sad about it. I didn't want to lose the awesome single life I had made for myself. A life of only having to worry about myself. I fought the feelings but in the end I went with it and of course I am happy because things turned out great.

The point is of course that I found love when I wasn't looking for it. When I was looking for love all I found was myself, constantly compromising and making excuses, just because I wanted to be with someone. I did the same things I see my friends doing. BOYS SUCK! I said to anyone who would listen. Why can't I find any good guys, why are they all shit, boo hoo woe is me I want a boyfriend. Why not just tattoo desperate on my forehead. Then when I stopped looking and stopped caring I found a guy who ticked all my boxes. A guy who loves me with all my 'faults'.

Hell, when you find the right person they won't even consider you to have faults. They'll be adorable and frustrating quirks that they love. ;)

I guess what I am trying to say is that in my opinion. When you actively look for a partner because you really really want one or feel like you need one, you tend to settle for less than what you deserve. You compromise your values, alter your personality and ultimately lower your standards. Then you complain when it all doesn't work out or when you realise you are miserable.

My advice, if it isn't painfully clear by now. Forget finding a partner. Concentrate on finding yourself and doing things for yourself. Realise all the reasons why you are fantastic and why you deserve better than a second rate partner. You don't need to go out chasing love because love will always find you. There is plenty of time. Relax and enjoy life.

Love Carrie xoxo xxxx

Tuesday, 15 March 2011

Apologies

My internet got cut off!

Not because we are losers who can't pay our bills or anything. The last net wasn't in our name so when it got disconnected it just took us a long time to get our shit together and choose a provider and get it reconnected.

We have been reconnected now, we are using iinet and it is super fast! Awesome! So once I have caught up on all my uni study I will get back to posting regularly.

Love 'n' stuff

Carrie xoxo xxxx