So everyone, this rollercoaster has finally slammed its way to the end of the track. Who is ready to strap in and go for another ride? Fasten your seatbelts every body, 2011 is going to blow your mind! Be safe, be smart, be strong, have the ride of your life!
Without a shadow of a doubt, 2011 has lived up to that prediction. The last few months for me have been traumatic to say the very least. I feel like I have been hit by about eight buses and three semi trailers. I have been an emotional train wreck. I have lost a load of weight and I would love to attribute that to increased exercise and better diet but I think it is more a case of me having no will to eat for about three weeks or so.
I can't go into detail about what happened and what is still happening. It isn't only my story to tell and the people who need to know do know. I guess this post is less about telling you all what happened and more about how it made me feel. So, apologies if it all seems a little ambiguous. To any friends and family reading, I would appreciate it if you didn't put any details in any comments you choose to leave on this post. Thanks.
I sort of dropped off the face of the planet for a while there. Nothing seemed relevant anymore. I couldn't blog and I could barely use Twitter or Facebook, I couldn't even use 750 words and nobody even gets to read what I write there! The only thing I could think about was what was happening. It haunted me through my waking hours and wouldn't leave me alone when I slept. Just when I got it out of my head someone close to me would bring it up and ask me questions about what was going on. There was a point where I just wanted to curl up into a little ball and fall asleep till it was all over.
Unfortunately when the shit hits the fan you can't just look the other way and twiddle your thumbs till it is over. So I had to get on with life and try make the best of a terrible situation. In the end I had an amazing moment of clarity and came to an obvious conclusion, being angry helps nobody and nor does playing the blame game. To get results that were in the best interests of who mattered most we had to put everything else aside and work together. Which is what we did. We aren't out of the woods yet, but I think we are at least loitering around the edges and I feel more positive about the situation. The most important thing is that we are all getting along.
I am trying to move on with life. I feel like I have grown up a lot in the last few months. I am trying not to be as judgmental, though sometimes I slip up (badly) but I am trying! I have learned not to take the people I love for granted, I have an amazing family and an amazing bunch of friends. My friends and I don't catch up as much as we used to, my two best friends in the world are in Canada and the UK, still as soon as they saw things go downhill, every single one of them reached out to me and to you guys I say thank you from the bottom of my heart. If it wasn't for the support you all gave me I would never have survived this with my sanity intact. You guys helped to keep me strong and I love you all dearly.
I don't know what is going to happen from here. I do know that whatever hurdles are thrown my way I have the power to over come them. This is what life is. It isn't meant to be easy, it is meant to be a challenge, we are meant to face adversity and fight, sometimes we win, other times we lose and sometimes it's a draw but we always learn from it and that my friends is the whole point. Look for the lessons, they will lead you home.
Love you all
Carrie xoxo xxxx
Beautiful Carrie.. this was inspiring. You are very strong x
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