Well last time I wrote I wasn't going so great. I have two counselling sessions since then and I feel less confused, less generally bad but I think I still have a long way to go. Therapy has helped me make a little more sense of everything I am feeling but I still feel lost. Like I have lost my sense of self. So I have started a little exercise to try help me find myself again.
Every day I have been writing down something that I know is true about myself. Something that I know is me and something that has nothing to do with other people. I've only been doing it for a few days but here is what I have got so far...
My name is Carrie and I like cats, but I am pretty sure I am allergic to them.
My name is Carrie and I think plums are great.
My name is Carrie and I fucking love thunder and lightning storms.
That last one was from tonight, I was driving home from hoops and there was a big lightning and thunder storm. The lightning was so bright, it was like daylight again when it flashed. It reminds me of 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' when Charlie talks about feeling infinite. That is what storms make me feel like.
I get six free counselling sessions through Relationships Australia so I'm going to be going weekly for a while.