The dictionary defines 'forgive' as a verb that means 'stop feeling angry or resentful towards (someone) for an offence, flaw or mistake'. I took to Facebook to ask my friends what forgiveness mean to them. Whenever I am struggling with thoughts like this I find it really helps to listen to other people perspectives, sometimes a different point of view is exactly what you need!
Almost everyone said something along the lines of forgiveness meaning letting go of hurt, of anger, of resentment. A few people mentioned that forgiveness comes when they other person is sincerely sorry. Others said that forgiveness comes with time and it can't be forced it just happens.
One particular comment I loved was
Forgiveness is making the decision that you'll no longer be controlled by someone's hurtful actions. It truly has nothing to do with the other person. It's about freedom for you.Everyones comments were helpful and really gave me more to think about. I don't think i'm completely clear on my feelings yet but this is what i've got so far.
Forgiveness is a process, it is about letting go of those bad feelings that someone else's actions have given you. It's about taking the control back from them and saying "yes you did this to me and it was shitty and it's not okay but i'm no longer angry or upset or resentful about it". I think it does take time, time to get over that hurt and to grow. I think someone being sorry is somewhat irrelevant, I think you can choose to forgive someone who isn't sorry and I think you can also feel like you can't forgive someone who is sincerely sorry. Forgiveness is about you and you decide when you are ready to give it.
It's okay to feel sad, to feel a little resentful, to feel hurt. We can't be puppies, flowers and rainbows all of the time, emotions are important, the trouble starts when those emotions start eating away at you and negatively impact your day to day functioning or your relationships with the people around you.
I feel a little better about my decision to not forgive, I'm just not ready yet as much as I wish I was and as far as I have come, I am still hurting and it's going to take me a little longer before I can let go of that for good. I'm getting closer and I think this bit of self realisation I have achieved today is helping to put me closer to forgiveness.
Do you have an opinion on forgiveness? Do you find it hard or easy? What is something you find is unforgivable?
Love Carrie xoxo