Last Friday night I stood up in stage in front of over 300 people and hosted an event for my workplace Polercise WA - Aerial Fitness Studio. It went for 3 hours and I had to introduce all the performers, interview people, talk to the crowd, get them excited, act confident, be fun, be engaging. I was anxious but I did it and I got good reviews and all in all it was a great night.
Today, just five days later, I called in sick for work and couldn't bring myself to leave my room till 2pm. I was teary intermittently I didn't felt very fun or engaging or the least bit confident. If I'm honest I'm feeling really worthless and bitterly lonely and sometimes I don't really feel like being here anymore. I almost had a meltdown while pulling out weeds in my backyard and had to calm myself down by cleaning my kitchen.
This is the nature of my sickness. It can be up and down. Lately I have felt like I've been on a downward slope. I don't know why and I don't really know what to do other than keep pushing on. I am sick of feeling like a burden.
In any case this video always explains how I feel a lot better than how I actually can. It's long but it's great. My favourite part is when he says "the truth lies" because it really does, and if the truth didn't lie then maybe I would be okay.