|2015 the year of face decorations and green hair|
Last year was rough. It was the most alone I have ever been and ever felt in my life. This is not me lamenting about being single. I dated last year. It's not about me saying I have no friends and no support. I have support. I have a great family. However in spite of that I felt like last year I faced the world all alone. It was hard. I felt like and still feel like there is this overwhelming pressure on me. Like I haven't achieved anything worthwhile. It's a constant feeling. I can never relax. I'm a constant ball of stress.
About now is where you'd expect me to say that all this going it alone helped me to grow and realise what I want out of life. How I'm such a different person than I was at the start of the year. I'm such a strong independent woman. Nope. The past year didn't really teach me anything that I didn't already know about myself. I nailed the last nail in my dating coffin then built up high, impenetrable walls around me. I failed to return 80% of phone calls and text messages sent to me. I started projects and didn't finish them. I tried and tried to find motivation and lust for life. I couldn't find it.
The last third of 2015 was probably the worst for me mentally. I struggled so hard and as much as this will upset some people when they read it, I have to say it. There were a few times when I didn't think I would reach my 30th birthday. So much so that for a good two weeks after my birthday I felt on edge, like I was living on borrowed time. I guess I was exhausted and the end of the year seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel so the struggle to reach it was real.
New year, same person with the same struggles. I don't really know what's going to happen and that's fine. I know that I'm heading to Europe soon and 8 weeks on another continent where nobody knows my name is going to feel like heaven. For now I am living for that break and I am making a vow. I am going to go and have an amazing time. Then I'm going to come home and walk in my front door, give Bob and Roxy a big cuddle then I am going to sit down and make big life decisions, and I'm going to be selfish and make decisions that are for me and me alone. No more sacrificing my happiness for the sake of other people. No more bullshit.
This lone wolf is big and bad and I'm not going to waste any more time.
(this took me four hours to write - probably 45 minutes of actual typing and the rest procrastinating because this was really hard to write. I swear if a single person reads this and gets offended, kindly punch yourself in the face so I don't have to do it. It's not about you.)
|Family sans Ash|
|Hung out with Rabbit|
|A few of the people who actually bothered to show up to my birthday drinks|
|Driving with Ash|
|Wore heaps of booty shorts|
|Mum got drunk of her birthday|
|Last day at headspace with Jo|
|and with Simone|
|being an actor! At BREC's showing of The Confidence Man|
|Made this subtle desk ornament for Jo|
|Got some tattoos|
|Showcase with the Aerial Family|
|with Ash at the studio|
|Roxy in the water|
|Bob looking in charge|
|Lunch dates with my Dad|
|Crying at the most beautiful wedding of two people who could not be more perfect for each other <3|
|Tomato sauce days with these two Nonnas|
|The birth of this little ray of starlight|
|Getting drunk with the parents|
|Showing off my butt some more|
|Being a wild animal with Mumsy|
|Rabbit's birthday at the Zoo|
|Made this dream catcher for my bed|
|Where the obsession with face decorations began with my favourite lady|
|Made some castles with this babe|
|Met this cute chick|
|Had the best trip to the zoo and met the most chilled meerkats and some hungover koalas|
|Made this. If you don't love yourself how can you expect anyone else to love you?|
|Can't get this bastard to rotate. Any single males over the age of 28 who get this reference feel free to call me ;)|