So I had my GP appointment yesterday. It went okay, I somehow got doctor names mixed up and made an appointment with the wrong doctor (my original GP has moved interstate) but the lady I saw was okay. She asked a few questions, recommended I also think about going back for more therapy and gave me a new script. Back on 10mg of Lexapro to see how I go.
Once I arrived home I took my first dose. Within an hour or so I was feeling nauseous. Antidepressants take a few weeks to start working properly, quite a few weeks actually and the first couple of weeks can be rough while you adjust to them. Today I have been anxious as fuck. I've got the shakes, I can't stop moving. I'm skipping from job to job. I have the driest mouth on Earth. I have to keep myself busy.
I really hate taking them. I'm sure that after a while I'll adjust but now because it's so fresh in my mind each time I take one I get that feeling of failure and realise that this is going to be life now. I know it's not a failure. I know I had to do this. i know admitting I need help was hard and I should be proud I did it but ugh right now I just feel shit about it.
For now, I'm trying to channel all that nervous energy into my work and into writing more. trying not to think bad thoughts or think of people who upset me.
All I need is some more time